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Trying to make sense of life from a young age, I spent many years attempting to find a cure for my ills. Periodically suffering with intense anxiety and often struggling in relationships, I felt as if I was fundamentally flawed or broken in some way. Like many of us do, I went to a variety of psychotherapists and other practitioners, but never really found the healing I was looking for.

In my twenties, I was a community development worker in an inner city area. I also played bass in an all-women band. After a near-breakdown, a precursor of the dark night that was to come years later, I changed direction in my early thirties and became a complementary health practitioner. I seemed to gradually get back on track, and ended up setting up a health-focused social enterprise which won a national award just before the government funding ran out.

Having lost my beloved job and all that went with it, my life – and I – fell apart. I experienced a four year dark night of the soul.  My persona, the identity that I’d built to compensate for the inner sense of brokenness, crumbled. I began to look more deeply, mostly because there was no other option. I had to face the pain of my difficult and sometimes traumatic childhood. Whilst often desperate for some relief or solution, it became clear that this was a process of unbecoming, of unravelling. The awakening process that began during this time continues to this day.

After a while, despite continuing difficulties and struggles, I began to learn how to be with myself, how to accompany myself regardless of whatever state I was in from day to day. I also began exploring ways of continuing the deep looking that had begun in the dark night, and ended up becoming a practitioner/facilitator of a kind of organic, embodied, living inquiry. This work, which continues to evolve, takes us deeply into mind, body and soul. Often, there’s a discovery of the wisdom that lies therein.

It’s a real joy to work in this way. To hold the space whilst someone connects with or remembers long-forgotten or neglected parts of themselves. To witness the transformations that occur when someone is able to finally express what has been silenced, hidden or unacknowledged. To take a dive into the unknown, into the deep creativity and intelligence that resides in all of us, if we are willing to look.

I continue to do my own inner work, and I now experience life in a different way than I used to. I no longer feel broken. My life is – as with all of us – a mix of tragedy and comedy, challenges and joys, and yet there is an aliveness in me that wasn’t there before.

I am the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, a profound exploration of spiritual crisis and the dark night journey. In 2021, I graduated from the University of Nottingham with an MA (with distinction) in Philosophy.

If you’d like to know more about my personal journey, feel free to ask.