Trying to make sense of life from a young age, I spent many years looking for what I seemed to be lacking, attempting to find a cure for my ills. It felt as if I was fundamentally flawed in some way, and that the only hope of success lay in finding a way to fix that basic flaw.
I did all the things that many people do – counselling, psychotherapy, meditation, complementary medicine, and numerous other approaches besides. I learnt many valuable things over the years, including discernment (like many of us, I experienced my share of disillusionment, particularly with the New Age scene).
I came to realise that the basic dis-ease is separation (believing ourselves to be separate beings, rather than part of the indivisible whole). I was introduced to many of the mystical teachings, and the idea of enlightenment or awakening. Many of these ideas resonated, but they remained just that – ideas. I continued to believe that I was broken and in need of fixing.
Eight years ago, I reached the point where my life seemed – for the first time – to have come together. I was doing the work I loved, I’d created a beautiful home, and yet…I knew that something still didn’t feel right. At that point, my life – and I – fell apart. I experienced a four year dark night of the soul. Everything that had ever been repressed, denied, avoided or resisted came screeching to the surface. My false persona, the identity that I’d built to compensate for that inner sense of brokenness, crumbled. I began to look more deeply, mostly because there was no choice. Whilst often desperate for some relief or solution, it became clear that this was a process of unbecoming, of unravelling. I discovered the modern non-duality teachings, and spent time with the Diamond Approach (based on the work of A. H. Almaas), Tony Parsons, Jeff Foster, Mandi Solk, Rodney Stevens, John Wheeler, and Scott Kiloby, amongst others. My experiences began to make sense.
As I started to relax into a profound not-knowing, despite difficulties, struggles and seeking, life began to alter. I worked with Scott more closely, as the editor of his books The Unfindable Inquiry: One Simple Tool to Overcome Feelings of Unworthiness and Find Inner Peace and Living Realization: A Simple, Plain-English Guide to Non-Duality. When he invited me to become a facilitator, I had no hesitation whatsoever, even though my life was still very much in flux. Since then, I’ve been at the heart of the Living Inquiries community, as a Senior Facilitator and Trainer.
It’s a true joy to be a Living Inquiries facilitator. To hold the space whilst someone fully experiences what they’ve spent so long trying to get away from. To be present as they realise that they are not their thoughts, emotions, sensations, or memories. To take a dive into the unknown; to discover that what they believed is nowhere to be found, and yet love and connection happen effortlessly.
I continue to do my own looking, often working with the other facilitators. I experience life in an entirely different way; there’s no longer a struggle with what’s here. Life – exactly as it is happening, right here and now – is more than enough. I love the fact that there’s a growing sense of community, a coming together of people from around the world who are radically questioning their assumptions and beliefs, and discovering the joy of aliveness anew. All it takes is a willingness to look. Come join us.
“I’ve had the pleasure of co-teaching with Fiona in my Blue Collar Enlightenment online spiritual awakening course. This requires a special type of Zen-jazz improvisation skill. Fiona has that skill in spades. she is a truly compassionate expert of the heart and soul. I highly recommend her work to anyone who wishes to engage in the type of self-inquiry required for awakening. She is just great – warm, clear, thoughtful, articulate and personable.”
J Stewart Dixon: www.bluecollar-enlightenment.com